Perfect Christmas

It's almost the new year and I'm just writing this post, I'm the worst blogger ever!

But I just had to tell all of you about the best Christmas ever! It all started with Christmas Eve. To me, Christmas Eve is a lot better than Christmas Day when it comes to traditions. I don't know why I like it so much. I just love getting with both sides of the family and feeling the joy of Christmas. As a kid, I remember driving home after being at my Grandpa and Grandmas and looking up in the sky and looking for Santa's sleigh. And I love that there is still a child in the house that believes in Santa. Christmas just wouldn't be the same without a Santa Claus. Christmas Eve was fun, we went to my Grandma's house and spent some time with her and then went to my Uncle Todd's house and just enjoyed time with the family. 

Then we went home and opened our Christmas Pajamas :) I love this tradition.

I still feel like I'm 8 years old, and can't sleep on Christmas Eve. I was up til 3:30am talking to friends. I guess we all just couldn't sleep! We were all so excited. and then 5:30am hits, and we are all awake and ready to open presents. 

I hate when we are done opening presents because it feels like Christmas is over.

But the best part of Christmas? I got to skype my boyfriend. I am so grateful for his amazing family that invited me over! They are so sweet and welcoming and treat me as if I'm their own. I'm so lucky to have them! Skyping Shawn was the best Christmas present ever. The minute I saw him, tears flooded my eyes. I was so happy to see him and hear his voice. He is so happy and was so cute. And when I heard him say, "I love you Em". EVERYTHING was perfect and my whole world was back to normal. I can't wait to have that boy home. We got to skype Shawn for an hour and a half and it was pure bliss. We laughed the whole time and it was the happiest I've been in almost 2 years. But when he started saying his goodbyes, I couldn't talk. because if I talked, I would of cried, and right when he got off, me and his mom lost it. Tears were streaming! haha and then we just laughed because we are so pathetic ;) I love his mom.

His cute mom in the blue, and grandma in the red. me in the middle SO happy 

and Shawns poor dad stuck in the back ;) hahaha

Here are some other pictures from this Christmas time :)

Our Christmas Dresses

Me and Ivan at school :)

Our Christmas sweater party at school :)

Love these girls so much!

(Jess & Chrissy)

Want vs. Have

"Sometimes you need to stop focusing on the things you want and just focus on the things you have".

I stumbled upon that quote the other day on Pinterest and it's really stuck with me. This holiday season, it's easy to want things. I want to be done with school, I want to have more friends to do stuff with every night, I want to get paid more, I want new clothes, I want I want I want. But the worldly things haven't been a big issue thus far. What I want is a boyfriend. How stupid does that sound right? A boyfriend. Here. I want that boyfriend in Chile here.

Everyone always told me that Christmas time was the worst time of the whole waiting process. Last Christmas I was lucky enough to not go through that darker time. Shawn was home for surgery and although we didn't get to see each other, knowing that he was home was enough to feel okay. I could feel how close he was and so Christmas time wasn't so hard. And now I'm creeping up on Christmas time and it's honestly terrible. I never imagined it'd be this hard. Being alone is one of the worst feelings. Especially because everyone around me is getting engaged, going to Temple Square lights with a boyfriend, going ice skating, making gingerbread houses, cuddling on the couch watching Elf. Those silly things are everything to me! And I'll be doing them alone this year.

It's also hard going through all these things after a "break up". I was recently just dating this guy, nothing too serious but we were dating and even though I was blinded by him and not focused so much on Shawn, I was excited to share those fun Christmas things with a boy! and now that, that was taken away from me, I feel even more alone going through the process of getting over him and wishing Shawn were here. What a draining thing am I right?

So back to that quote I posted earlier. I need to stop focusing on what I want. I don't want to have a replacement boyfriend. Because what I do have is far better than I'd ever get right now. I have an amazing man serving the Lord, who loves me more than words can describe. That is so forgiving and so thoughtful. That fights for me every day and loves me even though he is 6000 miles away and hasn't seen me in 19 months. I have everything and more that my friends have right now, I just have to be patient enough to wait for it. So, I need to stop focusing on what I want. the boyfriend; the cuddler; the iceskater; the temple date; all those things. and really focus and be grateful for the things I do have!

Because while I'm here complaining, someone out there is just praying to have what I have.

I'm so lucky to have Shawn and his love. Even though times get hard, and this is going to be hard without him, I know that we can do this and that I'll be okay. i just gotta push through Christmas. I'm so lucky to have amazing friends and family. I'm so lucky to have a job and school to keep me busy and sane.

Waiting for a missionary is tough stuff and people do not give us ladies enough credit for what we do. These lonely nights are miserable and I'm sure they are just going to get harder as time goes on until he gets home, but I gotta keep fighting. Remember what I have and how lucky I am to have it back in 5 months and 4 days :)

FLASH MOB

Here is the flash mob that I was in!

This was so much fun and I'm so happy for Johnny and Tessa :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NtGTLcG22I&feature=youtube_gdata_player

copy and paste that link above to youtube!

New friends, lots of laughs, and a great time.

Today was such a fun day! I have honestly been looking forward to this day for so long. For the past couple weeks, a bunch of people have been getting together to do a Flash mob. Its actually a crazy story. So, my three friends; Nick, Johnny, and Tyler, they make these hilarious videos on YouTube. They're quite popular actually. Million's of views. They've pranked Venice Beach, Vegas, and so much more. So their next great idea was a Flash Mob at City Creek in Salt Lake City. After a couple rehearsals, the boys had the idea to go ask permission at City Creek. That caused them to get banned from City Creek for 90 days, get their pictures taken by the police, and sign paper work. Oops.

So they decided to check out The Gateway. Which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because when they got there, they found out that every hour, on the hour, they play All I Want for Christmas is You as part of their light/fountain show. PERFECT RIGHT? Right.

So the Flash Mob was today. Video still to come, but it was such a blast. I made so many new friends and I have loved seeing them all the time. We spent a lot of time laughing and thats what I needed right now. I love my new friends.

I'm also so happy for Johnny and Tessa! At the end of the Flash mob, Johnny proposed to Tessa and it was so perfect. They are so in love and I can't wait for my turn.

Today was also so fun with Kelsey Blackham. We went to the rehearsal together, then went to Keva and Great Harvest Bread, and then drove out to Salt Lake together and just laughed the whole way there. We're ridiculous actually. We were making the funniest noises and talking like complete idiots hahaha. I just laugh thinking about it and if anyone was there we'd have no friends. hahaha!

Kels is honestly the best friend any girl could ever ask for. She has been there for me through some pretty hard times and its amazing that God put her in my life at the perfect timing. We were friends in highschool but not close and now every time we're together we always wonder why we weren't best friends. She's such an amazing, strong girl and i'm so lucky to have her as my best friend.

Oh yeah, and did I mention I put highlights in my hair? Change is fun. and I'm lovin' it!

I'm so lucky to have the friends that I have. And seriously so grateful for the new friends that I made. We made some amazing memories that I'll cherish forever and ever.

Sometimes things don't happen for a reason.

I've always been one to say that ''Everything happens for a reason''. 
But not today. I will not be saying that today. My heart and prayers go out to the poor families who have lost their loved ones today. I am not a mother, but I've always had the heart of a mother. As being the oldest, I've always been a second mom. And I can't even imagine sending my child off to school and having them not come home so I could hug and kiss them. My blood is boiling and my heart is aching when I think about what happened today. I think about my little brother being in second grade, and the kids that lost their lives today in the shooting were younger than him! Kindergarteners. Are you kidding me? It's times like this where I'm grateful for a place called hell that this man can suffer in because what he did was absolutely terrible. There are no words to describe the feelings I have. My neighbors niece was one of the children that died, and it's absolutely heartbreaking. How could a man be so cold? What causes someone to break and snap like this? How could he kill his mom, and a bunch of 5 year olds. They deserved to live. Not him. They deserved to feel safe going to school and having fun and learning. The parents send their 5 years olds off to school every day trusting that they are going to be okay. They had such a great life ahead of them, and this man, this cold hearted rotten man took that away from them and their families.

Some things happen for a reason;

but not everything.

The savior loves these children so very much. I know that he welcomed them with open arms. I am grateful that these children are there with the Savior, but they should be here. and I just pray for the families to be okay and know that their children are happy with their Savior. I am so grateful that families can be together forever and I hope that those families have the same knowledge that I do, and if they don't, I pray that the missionaries, or others, will reach out to them and teach them that they will one day get to be with their children again. 

Chocolates

I love this family tradition that we have. Every year on my mom's side, we get together at my house and dip chocolates! We dip cashews, almonds, marshmellows, and make peanut butter cups. It's so much fun to do this as a family and get together and laugh. We make hilarious jokes and messes. It's great. I can't wait for next year already, and I'll even have a special someone there with me :)

Working hard, or hardly working boys?

Girls making peanut butter cups :)

My uncle and my dad heating up the chocolate! 

I love being on baby duty :) 

This is my cousin Abbie's adorable little boy Crew!

Couldn't be happier.

Missionary Monday! :)

But this missionary Monday was a lot better than others.
Let me just start from the beginning.

Sunday night, I cannot sleep. I think it's worse than Christmas Eve waiting for that email.
I stay up all night so excited to hear from Shawn. He still gives me butterflies. Finally it's 6:30am and I can roll out of bed and go to work. It's good to go to work to keep my busy instead of waiting around all day. It's Noon and I finally get an email from him! He's telling me about his week, telling me that he loves me, all that cute stuff, and then says, by the way, I'll be in the SLC airport on May 21.

Wait. What?

That's right folks, my wonderful boyfriend gets home 3 weeks earlier!! :) Notice how my countdown changed a whole lot?? I get my boyfriend back in MAY! I am freaking out with excitement! I am so happy that I'll have him back for his Birthday on May 24, and he'll be able to go to my brothers graduation, and start summer with me. We'll have a lot to do that summer because wedding bells should be going off.

I really am so excited. but I'm also so nervous! I feel like I have so much to do and I'm not nearly prepared enough. 3 weeks is a huge jump! I got to get this bod into shape, I got to get close to graduating school, I need to read the Book of Mormon cover to cover. I got a lot to do! But a lot to keep me busy :)

He'll be back into my arms in no time.

51/2 more months babe.
We can do this :)

7 rules of life.

1. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

2. What others think of you is non of your business.

3. Time heals almost everything, give it time.

4. Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

5. Stop thinking too much, it's alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.

6. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

7. Smile. You dont own all the problems in the world.

7 rules to live by and your life will be much better.
Trust me;

I'm doing those exact things.

Attitude of Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I am so very blessed. I have so much to be grateful for that I can't even make a list! But for the most part, I am so grateful for my family. They do so much for me and they really do mean so much to me. I am so grateful for the siblings I have, even though we give each other a hard time most of the time, they are the best. I'm grateful for the parents that I have and how much they do for me.

I am so grateful for my friends. I take some of them for granted sometimes, but they really do mean the world to me. I'd be lost without them.

I am so grateful for Shawn. For his willingness to serve our Lord and for all his hard work out there. He is touching so many lives out there and I look up to him in so many ways. I am grateful for his love and our relationship. How strong it is to withstand anything and get stronger every single day. He really is the best man out there and I dont deserve him. He's amazing and I'm so lucky to have him.

I am grateful for an amazing job. For the people that I work with and for being my second family. I really do have the best managers out there and it's great to have a job that I look forward to going into every day. Especially for black friday ;)

I am so grateful for this gospel. For a loving Heavenly Father that does love me unconditionally. For the plan of salvation and eternal families that I get to see my Grandma and Grandpa again someday. and that I get to be with my loved ones forever. I am grateful for the Atonement. and I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father and Savior that always listens to me and is here for me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and have a wonderful day!

Surrender

"When it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender. 

Surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. 

You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another. 

And most importantly you must be able to accept your flaws 

before you can accept the flaws of another."

And thats what these 2 years have done for me.

I've learned so much about myself. 

And I am growing into that person I always wanted to be.

I'm far from perfect,

but I'm bettering myself every single day.

and I'm happy!

I'm happy where things are in my life.

I've learned to love myself.

I've learned to trust myself.

and I've accepted my flaws.

I

3 years.

3 years ago today, this is what happened:

It was after school, I still remember what I was wearing. Jeans, a white long sleeve shirt with wings on the back. (so in style.. not). I made sure my hair and make up looked perfect. I kept walking around the house just waiting. Finally the doorbell rang. I couldn't act like I was anxious right? So I just sat in the family room until someone else answered the door and then I'd wait a second so it seemed like I haven't been ready all day.

I heard my dad answer the door. and then I heard his voice: "Hey, is Emily here?" my dad then responded. "Yeah, come on in!"

I started walking to the door and as I turned the corner, my heart stopped. Is THE Shawn Larkin really standing in my doorway right now? I acted like I really wasn't surprised, atleast I tried to. He looked so cute standing there. In his tight jeans, his plaid blue and white shirt. 'Tall, dark, and handsome'.

We then walked to my family room. A million thoughts were running through my head. I had a friend of mine ''warn me'' about Shawn. "He's too shy. He's too picky. He doesn't talk. He wont take you on a date. He never laughs. He has no emotion. You'll just get walked all over".

Is that kind of guy really welcomed into my life?

I thought I'd give him a chance.

We sat on my couch just talking, figuring out what to do. I only had an hour and half before I had to go to dance and he was going to a concert with one of his buds.
My mom then walked in and handed us five dollars and said, "Go get a frosty. and bring Tyson back some fries". (Tyson is my little brother).

So, we walked outside and good ghondi he had the sexiest looking truck. I remember trying to get into that big thing and then the smell. Black Ice car freshener. Yum :)

We started driving to Wendy's. And we were talking the whole time. It felt.. Normal. It felt like I've known him my whole life. Again, the things my friend was telling me came back to mind.. but everything she said just wasn't adding up. Maybe she was just trying to scare me? Yes. She was definitely trying to scare me. Shawn was a great guy. IS a great guy!

We got to Wendy's and I remember standing in line and all we could do was laugh. He was instantly my best friend. It was like we've been together forever.

We sat down. Had frosty's and then had to go back to my house. As we were driving home, it was no longer me judging him, or comparing him to the things my friend said. It was me judging myself. I felt like he was so out of my league and so perfect. There is no way he'd ever want to see me again.

"Hey Em, when can I take you out on a real date?"-Shawn.

I remember those words so well. Of course I responded with a "Very soon I hope" and got out of his truck. I walked inside just telling myself there was no way he'd ever consider me. And as I entered my house, I got a text from him telling me I looked very pretty.

The whole night, he texted me. Even at his concert. As silly as that might sound, it meant a lot to me. Because Mr. Perfect wanted to talk to me.

And from that day forward, it was the best 3 years of my life. A lot of ups and downs. High school drama. Figuring out who we are apart and together. Falling in love. Giving him to the Lord for two years.

I wouldn't trade a day for the world.

11/11 will always be close to my heart.

My motto.

Hey everyone!

Wow, have I been slacking or what on this blog??
Sorry, I've been so busy lately.

But wow, time flies! Especially when you're having fun and staying busy of course. Its amazing how much I've grown the past 17 months. I don't even remember the girl I used to be before Shawn left, but if he were here, he'd for sure love the girl I've become. I feel like I've just grown up. I work almost every day, go to school, I just feel like an adult now. Can I just stay a kid for a while? First year I could actually vote and I didn't even do that! So maybe that'll help with staying young ;) But if Obama wins, I'm moving to Chile. #teamromney.

Its been a crazy couple weeks I'd say. A lot has been going on, but in the middle of all the hectic, he never ceases to amaze me. Last week, unexpectedly, I got a package. Just to tell me he's been thinking about me. Just some random socks, earrings, letters, pictures. He spoils me! It means a lot to me that during the craziness of the mission, he finds time to love me.

I've learned to much lately. Who my true friends are, who I can count on, what matters most in life, the gospel being the center of my life, how much my family means to me, how important missionary work is, getting my priorities straight, setting goals and meeting them, where I want to be in 10 years. I really do feel like I'm finally growing up. Its bittersweet for sure. Every day that passes I'm growing and every day that passes is a day closer to seeing his handsome face again. I never, in a million years, thought that waiting for a missionary would be so hard and so challenging and throw me so many curve balls. But its thru the hard times and the curve balls, that I grow and learn to appreciate so much. I haven't had a real boyfriend for 17 months. Some days, it's hard to remember "Shawn & Emily''. His voice, his looks, his laugh. The little things. I look at pictures and just think, "Is he real? We were really together? Have I made him up? Is he imaginary?" hahaha but I guess thats what time and space does to ya. But every day I hold onto those words, "I will wait for you". Its hard. Its hard everyday. but in the end, it'll be so worth it. Because no matter what, I'll be happy. We'll be happy.

So I'll continue to fight and I'll continue to live my life and have so much fun.
I'll continue to do what makes me happy.
I'll be the Emily that he expects me to be, who my family expects me to be, and who the Lord expects me to be.

"The only person you should be comparing yourself to, is the person you were yesterday. Always be a better person".

Thats my motto right now.

And I'm going to do that :)

The best email.

Hello readers :)

I'm sorry I've been slacking on my blog lately! I've been kind of busy. But I just want to tell you all that I have the best guy in the world. And it's amazing that 6000 miles away, he still knows what to say to make me happy. Without even asking me, he knows if I'm having a hard time with something and he knows how to fix it.

Here's the story:

Lately I've been getting worried about him coming home. I was secretly worried of course, but a lot of concerns popped up into my head. The normal stuff! Everyone gets nervous when it starts getting closer and closer. I was getting worried that he was going to take everything for granted. Waiting is tough! But I want to feel appreciated. All these questions popped into my head:

What if he doesn't appreciate me?
What if he doesn't 'fight' for me?
A marriage is pretty much handed to him when he gets home, and most guys have to work for it,so what if he just expects way too much of me?
What if he doesn't love me when he gets home?
What if I'm not good enough for him?


All these stupid questions. Things I SHOULDN'T be worried about because he's, hands down, the most amazing guy in the world. But they were worries I've had. Everyone gets worries ya know?

Well yesterday was monday so that means I get an email from him.
And without me even telling him my worries or conerns, this is the first thing he says to me:

Thanks for waiting for me. Thank you for being my girl and going on this journey with me. Thank you for going through all you do daily, weekly, yearly. Thank you for being focused on what we have and never giving up. I love you more than you know. I know that I dont say it enough, but you have no idea how much i appreciate everything you do. Seriously, THANK YOU. Our love is special and our story is special. Thank you! I know what you are going through, well maybe I dont, but I do partly and I will never take you for granted. I know that I am SO BLESSED to have you. We have a perfect love. There are so many amazing things about us. We have been throught so much to get here and I dont know what I'd do without you. You might think that things go un noticed, but I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I promise you. I love you so much. I love the person you are and have become. You are a woman of strength. I dont know how you do it, but thank you. I love you. I will never let you down. Its you and me. We've got less than 8 months. Hold on Em, we can do it. Dont you ever doubt in it! :)


It was everything and more that I needed to hear. How on earth did I get so lucky?

I'm an idiot for even questioning things.
235 more days.

Not a day goes by.

Got a picture of you
I carry in my heart.
Close my eyes to see you
when the world gets dark.

Got a memory of you,
I carry in my soul.
I wrap it close around me
when the nights get cold.

If you ask me how I'm doin'
I'd say just fine.
But the truth is baby,
if you could read my mind.

Not a day goes by,
that I dont think of you.
After all this time,
You're still with me it's true.
Somehow you remain
Locked so deep inside
Baby,
Not a day goes by.

I still wait for the phone
in the middle of the night.
thinking you might call me
if your dreams don't turn out right

and it still amazes me
that I lie here in the dark
wishing you were next to me
with your head against my heart

If you ask me how I'm doing
I'd say just fine
but the truth is baby
if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by
that I dont think of you.
After all this time,
you're still with me its true.
Somehow you remain
locked so deep inside
Baby,
Not a day goes by.

Minutes turn to hours
and the hours to days
Seems like its been forever
since I've felt this way.

But not a day goes by
that I dont think of you.

-Lonestar
--Not a day goes by.

Friends.

I really do have the best friends a girl could ask for.
I know that God puts people in my life for a reason, and I've been so blessed with the friends that I have.
I've always been the girl who had a hard time keeping good friends. But man, the friends that I do have are the best. Trust me.

Tonight I realized more than ever, how much my friends mean to me. I've been missing Shawn more than ever lately, but my friends have helped me so much. They also keep my focus and mind clear and it means the world to me.

Shawn and I will owe them our lives one day for how much they've helped.

Seriously, I dont know how I got so lucky.

And even in hard times like these; I know I'm never alone.

Today was also a great day because I went to lunch with Shawns dad and sister :)
It was the FIRST TIME in 16 months, that I've been in Shawny's truck. I sat in the front, and man I forgot how big his truck was. But so many memories flooded my head. I MISS HIM.

Must Watch.

This changed my life.

It'd still be you.

I sit here thinking about what to blog along with this quote.
but the truth is, I can't come up with anything because
this picture above,
said it perfectly.

The miles,
the years,
weeks,
months,
days,
seconds,
whatever it is;
they are just numbers.
and numbers don't hold back true love.


258 days until I'm with you again.

Hold on babe, we can do it.

The one for me.

I've met some pretty great guys over the past wait.

Great guys that will make great husbands.

But the man for me is 6,000 miles away and I will never give him up.
I really am so blessed to have him. A girlfriend and I were talking about how lucky we are to have someone so amazing to miss. (she has a missionary too). She opened my eyes a lot, and yes I miss him like crazy, but people would kill for a man like Shawn. For a love like ours. So why complain that I have 8 months left? Why complain that I had to wait 2 years? At least I have someone that I get to spend forever with.

I'd wait forever for him.

I'm so lucky.

Fairytale love.

There's nothing better than having Shawns mom say,

"Everyone, I want you to meet Emily. This is my future daughter in law. She is waiting for my son Shawn, and they are so committed to each other. They have a fairytale love"

Tonight, I went to support Denise (his mom) at a seminar she leads at. And thats how she introduced me in front of everyone. I could not stop smiling when she said that. I am THE LUCKIEST girl in the world!!

My life is perfect right now :) and its only going to get better.

Finding your happiness.

I have so much gratitude in my heart tonight for the gospel.

I came across a Facebook status tonight

"Harry Potter" is a book. I dont base my life off of it. The Book of Mormon is a book, so I'm curious, why do you base your life off of it?

And there were comments immediately bashing the church.

One person even said

"The difference is that an illiterate man wrote the BOM"

Ouch.

It took everything inside of me not to comment on it.
Even tho I have not read the Book of Mormon cover to cover, I know it to be true. Immediately when I read that status, something warm in my heart told me that this gospel is true. I began to look more into the people writing the comments. I came across the ones that were sticking up for the church, looked happy. They had great lives. and the ones that were writing hurtful things, weren't living life the way the Lord would want them to. Now, I'm not saying that these people are bad people. Not one bit. Some of these people are dear friends of mine. Amazing people! But I guess where I'm going with this, is that the gospel really does bring true happiness. The young man that put this Facebook status used to be a solid member of the church. He was even going to go on a mission until he changed his mind. He's still a great guy. But is HE missing out on so much the Lord can bless him with? Absolutely.

For all those that have fallen:

Heavenly Father loves you. He will NEVER forsake you. Even if you feel like you are in a dark place, the Lord is just waiting for you to come to Him. I see the way you live your life. Complaining that "You wish you could find a good guy, or a good girl" or complaining about how hard life is. When really, its SO easy if you just live the way you are supposed to. Want a great guy? be a great girl. What a great girl? BE A GREAT GUY. Lucky for me, I had to learn that. The hard way. I wanted an amazing guy, and in order to have that, I had to love myself first. Respect myself first. And now look where I'm at. If you feel alone, I promise you're not. I've had those nights. Having a missionary, You feel alone all the time. Even being surrounded by a million people. But the Lord is always there to listen. He is always there to lift burdens and make things easier. Remember: The Lord never gives you a trial you can't handle. He knows you are strong. Prove to him that you are, but don't doubt him. Honestly, I've never been happier. and its because I am living the Gospel every day. I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm FAR from perfect. But because I know the Lord knows I'm NOT perfect, its such a comfort to always forgive myself and start a new day. There are so many things I need to work on. So do not think for one second that I'm writing this to be all high and mighty. I'm NOT. But do you want the answer to happiness? Your Heavenly Father.

I know this gospel to be true. I have had to go thru my own testimony builders to find this out. I have seen those who have fallen away vs those who hold strong and the difference their lives are. I have so much to work on in this gospel. Do I say my daily prayers? No. Sometimes I forget. Do I read the BOM daily? No I forget all the time. Do I get so caught up in the world that I forget what really matters? OF COURSE! I'm human. But do I strive to do better? All the time. And you can too.

Now about missionary work:
I know I blog a lot about how "awful" waiting for a missionary is. But really, it is such a blessing. Shawn has grown so much. I could not be more proud of him. Its amazing to see him change from boy to man. He has strengthened my testimony because there have been times, He had to pick me up off my feet when things got hard. When happiness was hard to find. HE had to be my angel, my miracle. and it was because of these very things that he had to talk to me about that changed my whole perspective on life. I am so proud of Shawn. Every day he is performing miracles and saving lives. He's a hero. To many. All because he is preaching the gospel and bringing those to true happiness. Is waiting for a missionary hard? Every day. Do I want him to come home? Every single day. but would I give up this experience for the world? Never. This is OUR two years. He has grown, and I have grown. Really, I am so happy for him. I know that this mission is so important and I really love him so much for leaving me. Weird to say right? I'm glad he left me for 2 years to do this for our Savior. and I know I'll continue to complain about him being gone, because there are some days I miss him so much. But I want all of you to know, that I love missionary work. and I am so so so proud of him.

I'm pregnant.

I laughed to myself when I made the title to this new post. 

I'm not really pregnant. 

But I am announcing that today marks, 9 months left til my boy gets home.

9 months is a pregnancy right? :)

So here we go, Here goes our last mission baby! 

Its crazy to think that time is only going to speed up. 9 months ago, Shawn was home getting surgery. 9 months from now, Shawn will be home again! But for good this time. 

I'm so proud of my babe. He's working so hard out there and he's being such a great missionary. I love when investigators or members from his mission add me on facebook and in their broken english, try to talk to me about Shawn and how he touches their loves. My boy's got 9 months left and I know that these are going to be the best 9 months. 

9 fast sundays til he's home.

273 days.

I never thought I'd get to this point. I mean, I remember when I hit 9 months and I was so excited saying, "AH our first mission baby!" hahaha and now we are on our last :) 

and I mean, if it goes as fast as the last 9 months, then he'll be here in no time.

I love you babe! :) 

I hope you know.

I hope you also know

That you are my bestfriend.

That you are worth every lonely night and tear.

You are the reason I smile.

I hope you know that you changed my life 

forever.

You are an amazing example to me

and to everyone around you.

I hope you know that no matter what,

I'll be here.

I'm never giving up.

Even if the world gives me a hundred reasons to let go,

I'm always yours.

Why give up now?

Why give up everything we have

and everything we have worked for.

I hope you know that 9 months really is just around the corner

and soon,

we will be together again.

I hope you know that you have my heart

and that I love you.

Forever.

I hope you know that

forever is a long time.

and forever is what I want to spend with you. 

Painful

The pain I feel tonight, you know.. the pain of missing someone.. is just a reminder of how real our love is.
Tonight is a hard night and I miss him so much. Saturdays are one of my favorite days of the week. I get letters every Saturday from my babe. I got one today and it touched my heart so much. I really am so lucky. I wish more than anything he could be with me tonight. and every night after that.

I feel alone. The one person I need is gone. and he's gone for another 9 months.

"I could be surrounded by a million people, and yet still feel so alone".

That quote has never felt so real.

290

I remember getting this countdown and thinking "I can't wait to fill up Called" and then "Oh once I start Serve, that will be an amazing feeling"

And here I am. Starting Serve. Is this real life? I can almost taste the homecoming. 9 1/2 months will be here in no time. I just got to keep telling myself that!

Shawn is doing an amazing job in Chile. He loves his companion. In fact, its been his favorite companion so far. Sadly, transfers were yesterday and he now has a new companion so I hope he is a fun dude. He has been successful with baptisms but  now he is just working on getting members to church. That seems to be a huge problem down there. but i know that he will continue to work hard and make everyone and the Lord proud :)

I love him!

This means the most to me.

This song is absolutely beautiful.
If ever I am having a hard time, I just listen to this song.
Its PERFECT!
and I can't wait to have him home in my arms.

He means the most to me.

14 months.

It feels so good to have 10 months left!

Time really is going by. and everyday that passes is one day closer to having him home.
Sometimes I really can't believe I'm waiting for a missionary! I'm kind of crazy. hahaha.
but then again, it's so worth it. I love him so much!

14 months down, 10 more to go :)
We can do this Shawn!

He knows what he's doing.

I've met a lot of people in my life,
but especially these past 14 months.
Some good; some bad.
Some that have made a huge impact in my life,
some that I wish I never met.
But then again, every single person that has come into my life
have made me a better person.
They make me who I am today. 
They make me stronger, 
They show me what a true friend is verses a bad friend.
They show me what I want in a husband and what I don't want.

They are blessings in disguise. 

I've made girlfriends that will last a lifetime.
Practically like sisters to me.

But I want to direct this post about... Boys.

Yes, other boys.

I've met some pretty cool guys.
Returned missionaries
Complete sweethearts
Totally fun to be around

And it seems like a cycle with them.

Kind of something like this:

I meet them, hang out with them a lot, have a great time, open up to each other, become super close, they confess feelings for me, I remind them that I have Shawn, they pretend they dont care, another week goes by of hanging out and having a great time, then BAM- they turn into something completely different. They do things Shawn would NEVER do to me, or any girl for that matter. Like:

Flaking on plans.
Making up excuses.
Lying - ALOT.
Talking crap behind my back.

Jealousy? Maybe.
But still, its such an eye opener that Shawn is perfect.
Shawn.. would NEVER do anything like that to me.
Infact, when we started dating and I was the distant one, he NEVER gave up on me. He never gave me a reason to give up. He never flaked, he ALWAYS followed through with plans, he never lied to me, he never ever said anything rude behind my back. and I think, "If I wasn't Shawns girl.. would he do that to another girl?" NEVER. Shawn has more respect than that.

And this is where my title comes into place:

God knows what he is doing.

God puts people in my life to make me stronger, or to remind me how good I already have it. Even if he is 6000 miles away. I can honestly say I dont know what I would do without Shawn.

I was thinking about that yesterday while driving in my car. "What if something happened to Shawn?" "What if me and Shawn never met?" "What if Shawn didnt want to marry me?" and my heart just ached. Those questions didnt make sense to me. It was like that is something I should never be asking myself.

I love these simple reminders. And even though I'm so tired of the cycle with STUPID BOYS, I'm so grateful for God's presence in my life. I am very bless to have Shawn. He is amazing and I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have him now and forever.

309 Days.

I'll keep missing you.

I want my life back. Where I NEVER heard the word "no" or "maybe" or "we'll see" because it was always and only "yes" with him. Where no one made me happy the way he did, or made me smile in such a way that my cheeks got rosy and he would laugh. where I could run to him when everyone around me irritated me by just breathing. He is the only one that gets me. He just looks at me and makes me feel better. When everyone around me is showing their true colors, his colors never changed. He is so true. He is so right. He is perfect. 10 months of this. 10 more months. I can do it right? I mean, I've gone 14, whats another 10? He's worth it. These are the things I keep telling myself. Because I know that when I have him back, everything will be perfect. I miss the days where nothing else mattered but him. When i wouldn't have to make plans for the weekend, because my plans were always to be with him. When he'd surprise me at school or work with flowers or a freakin' coke. I miss the mornings waking up to a text saying "Goodmorning, I love you" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Without fail. I miss the nights that we never fell asleep saying goodnight. Whoever fell asleep first texting, the other person would send a long lovey text for them to wake up to. That happened for a year and a half. I miss sitting in my room, and listening to his truck pull up in my driveway, looking out my window and seeing him standing there. I miss holding his hand in public. i miss acting ridiculous in public and annoying everyone. I miss blasting music in his truck and singing at the top of our lungs. I miss going dirtbiking and watching my hot man ride around. I miss seeing him playing games with my little brother. I miss getting home from a date, going upstairs to change into HIS sweats, and come downstairs to see him arms wide open ready to hold me on the couch. I miss cuddling him every weekend, watching Simpsons, Lock up, Cops, or any of his shows, and falling asleep in his arms. I miss waking up and kissing him. I miss his kisses. I miss his ridiculous humor. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he would look at me with those beautiful green eyes. I miss HEARING the words I love you. I miss family parties with him. I miss my best friend. He was and is that one person I run to for everything. Most girls have that girlfriend in their life, but he's my best friend. He never let me down. He was that one person that would just sit there, listen to me complain about the pathetic drama, and then say "Em, you're amazing and deserve better" and make everything better. I miss crying with him, and then making me laugh. I miss uncontrollable laughter with him. I miss the stupid stuff, like tripping me up the stairs, slapping my butt, tickling me til I cried, tackling me to the ground. I miss showing him off to the public. Thats right ladies, he's all mine. I miss going to church with him. I miss talking on the phone with him whenever we were apart. Whenever we would be running errands, driving around, or whenever we just couldn't be together.. we'd call each other. no matter what we were always talking. I miss texts from HIM. I hate that he's not here. I wish more than anything he was here. enjoying life with me. Watching me go thru with my career. Doing crazy stuff on the weekends. I feel like he is missing out on so much on my life, but at the same time.. he's not. He's here! I know that I say I wish he was here, but i'm so proud of him for being THERE. and wouldn't want him anywhere else. now in 10 months will I be saying that? no i'll be saying "get the heck home". but until then, i'll keep missing him. I'll keep missing everything that makes Shawn.. Shawny. and I'll keep missing everything that makes us... US. and I'll keep missing everything that makes our relationship perfect and better than everyone elses. 


I'll keep missing you. 

45 weeks left.

Some days, I think to myself...

"What on earth am I doing? Waiting 2 years for someone? Are you crazy?"

Yes I'm absolutely crazy. But am I absolutely crazy in love? You bet I am.
Pdays are so bitter sweet. I love hearing from him but hate waiting to hear another week.
I guess in a way, it's some sort of countdown. Another pday down, 45 more to go.
Some days I'm on such a high, others I'm just dragging my feet.

And then today, I got an email from him. and this is a part of it:

"The mission has done so much good in our lives Em. I have had experiences that have made me grow so much. I have experiences that I will take with me forever. I have really grown to love the gospel so much and our country. It's opened my eyes to so much. and this week, I have grown so much more in love with you. You are amazing! I know this is hard, but we are doing it. We are on the downhill side of things! If you ever have doubts or worries, just know that those are coming from Satan. You are one in 7 billion. I dont know how on earth I got so lucky to have you. You are everything to me. I cant wait to finish these next 10 months, come home, and marry you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and make me so happy. I am so proud of you for everything that you are doing. For doing so good in school and work. For making the gospel a priority by going to institute, reading your scriptures, and praying every night. I am so happy to hear that you are growing spiritually with me. This is not only my mission Em, its OUR mission. We are growing together. We are doing this together. Thats why we are going to make this work. Thats why I have no doubt that you will wait, because we are doing this together. So many couples just go off and dont work towards anything, but I'm so happy to have you Emily. You are the most amazing girl in the world and I'm so lucky to have you. I love you so much...."

And it went on to tell me about his mission. He had a good week this week, but came across a lot of hardships and thats what made him so humble this week. He had to give a lot of blessings to unfortunate people and he realized how lucky he is to have a family that he does, to live in the US, and to have me. I am so lucky to have him. I am speechless when I read his emails, I know without a doubt that we are going to make this work and be more in love than ever when he gets home.

I love him so much.

Sister Larkin

WELCOME HOME SISTER LARKIN!!!

I cannot believe that Lindsey is home! I remember sitting there when she got her call, and she was called to Russia.
And the first thing that came to mind was

"Oh I cant wait for her to be home cuz then Shawn will have about 10 months left"
haha And now here we are and 10 months is so far away still. :/ Anyways, what a day!

I had so much fun spending the whole entire day with his family!
I got there around one and immediately we got to work!
Me and his aunt were blowing up balloons and making cute arrangements to put a long the side of the street.
then we went outside to put them there and man it was hot! We were working our butts off in 100 degree weather! After, we cut up yellow ribbon and tied it anywhere and everywhere that looked cute! It was so hott, me and his mom were just dying! So we went inside to take a break and then we got hungry. So we went to Tastys for lunch. It was so yummy and so nice to be there with his mom and aunt. We talked about Shawn and we talked about our relationship. It was so nice. and I love being on the same page as her! She really is so happy for me and Shawn. After lunch, we went back to the house to get more work done and finished around 5. Then we went to the craft store to pick up some balloons for the airport and while we were standing there, talking to the lady, Shawns mom said "I have another missionary out. He loves this girl very very much" and she pulled me in and gave me a side hug. I had major butterflies. How special to hear her say that! Me and her have so much fun together. By the end of the night, we were finishing each others sentences hahaha! Then we finally got to the airport. We had the balloons, the poster, and the roses. I was so nervous for them!! But of course the whole time I kept thinking.. I CANT WAIT FOR THIS TO BE SHAWN!!!! As her plane arrived, I stood there with cameras in both hands and she came down the escalator. What a need experience. If you need a "waiting boost" go to a missionary homecoming at the airport. I'll tell you what, It was amazing. Everyone cried and it was so nice to have Linds back!! When we got home, she told us about her mission, and showed us some pretty sweet stuff she got!!

I cant wait to get close to Linds. I can tell she will be such a fun sister to have! I love her very much and I'm so proud of her.

Welcome home Linds :)

Gorg.

Can I just be married already?!

I found this ring and cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME stop thinking about it.

If anyone were to ask me what my dream ring is, this is it.

Found it.
$2500

One day :)

Bonding time.

Today was perfect.

I got to spend the evening with Shawns mom. Her daughter gets home from her mission next week, and so me and his mom went shopping together to get things ready and to dinner. It was so great spending time with her. We talked a lot about Shawn of course. And its so nice to know that she is so supportive of me and Shawn. It helps SO much. And a lot of the time she kept saying "10 months from now, me and you will be doing this to get ready for Shawn to come home". K I can't believe I'm waiting for a missionary. It blows my mind haha. But I wouldn't want it any other way! Me and her laughed a lot and had such a great time together. She told me so many stories about Shawn and showed me pictures of him that I've never seen. K this is so cute;

When Shawn was a little boy I guess he was SUPER cuddly. He always cuddled up to his mommy. He is such a mamas boy. Anyways, whenever his dad would go out of town, he would go sleep with his mom in her bed and snuggle all night. and when he got out of his crib into his big boy bed, he wouldn't fall asleep unless someone was holding his hand. So his mom would lay on the floor and hold his hand until he fell asleep. Isn't he the CUTEST?! No wonder he is so cuddly with me ;) and I love it! Shows what kind of dad he's gunna be :) ahhh I love him! and then she also told me that Shawn was close to dying when he was a baby. Which I already knew, but I didnt know the extent of it and I guess it was bad enough that she wrote his obituary. YEAH! I died when I heard that. I'm so grateful that he was kept on this earth. We were meant to find each other and be together and I'm just so grateful that he is still here. I love that boy.

Anyways, today was just a great day. It feels so good to be close to his mom. And next week, I'll be going over there to help decorate the house and go to the airport to pick up Lindsey! I am so happy she is coming home! It'll be good to get a good relationship with his sister! I'm grateful that I am close with his parents. They are so loving. His dad already treats me like one of his own, and tonight his mom treated me like one of her daughters! It was perfect. She would be a great mother in law. We opened up to each other a lot and it was like we could talk about anything and everything and it felt so good to hear her say "I can tell how happy you and shawn are and that you love each other" and when she was showing me pics of him I kept saying "Oh he makes me so giddy" and she would just chuckle and say "Yes he is a cutie!" haha I am just SO Happy right now!!! 

Happy & Humble.

Maybe I should knock on wood before I post this blog post:

I'm the happiest I have ever been during the wait.
I dont know what it is. But I woke up one morning and felt like a whole new person.
I think it's because I've made changes in my life. There really are so many beautiful reasons to be happy.

I have an amazing family. I am so lucky. I know that I give my siblings such a hard time, but I really have gotten so close to them this past year. I have great parents that would do anything and everything for me. They are such great examples to me of true love. I have an amazing "fake" brother, Mark. I say fake, because we aren't related, but calling him a best guy friend is no where near true. He really is the older brother I never had.

I have amazing friends. They are such supports in everything I do. They are always there for me. On good days and bad. They make me laugh so hard and we ALWAYS have such a fun time. They always give me a reason to smile. They're my rock. I dont know what I would do without them. Its so great to have such good girlfriends. In high school, I didnt have the best group of girlfriends. They taught me a lot, but mainly what I deserve. I dont have regrets, I learn from everything. And I know that having a boyfriend all through high school was hard on my girlfriends, but it was hard on me to know that they weren't supportive of me and Shawn. I was terrified that once Shawn left, I would have no body. Let me tell ya, God answers prayers. I truly have the best girlfriends any girl could ask for. I'm SO blessed. You know who you are :) Holly, Ky, Chris, Jess, and Miranda. Thank you.

I am a member of the true church. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. I think that is another reason I am so happy. I heard this quote "Choose a man that brings you closer to god, than himself". With Shawn serving a mission, his example has really brought me so much closer to my Heavenly Father. He makes me want to be better every day. And with that mind set, I have never been so close to my Heavenly Father. When I pray, it's as if God is with me. Always. I read my scriptures every night, and I'm working on going to the temple once a week until Shawn gets home. thats 50 temple visits starting now. A lot of people lately have said to me "Emily, you seem happy. You are always positive. and have this light with you always". And if any of you feel dark right now, what you need to do is get closer to your Heavenly Father that LOVES YOU. Thats what I did.  and honestly, it makes me such a happier girl.

I have the most amazing job. I know that sometimes I complain about working, but I have the best co-workers. They bring me up. They support me. They are so funny. I always have such a great time working and I'm so lucky to have a job that I love going to.

I love school. Again, I know sometimes I complain going, who doesn't. But I'm a lucky girl to be doing something that I love every day and have a career at 20. I enjoy making people feel pretty and making them feel better about themselves. I guess you could call me a people pleaser, I always have been and always will be. I'm very selfless and I will ALWAYS put others first.

Last but not least, I have Shawn. What 19 year old can say she found love at 16? Not many. And how many people can say they've gone a 13 months without seeing the love of their life? and won't see them for another 11? Not many. But we're doing it. and we're coming out strong. We grow every day. Spiritually, and I love him more every day. I'm so so so proud of him. He loves his mission. and he is doing SUCH an amazing job. I wouldn't want him any where else right now. This is his time, to grow, to help others, to bring those to the gospel that I am so proud to be apart of. This is my time. My time to grow, help others, and improve myself to be that girl he's always dream't about. This is our time.

Though distance took us apart, time will bring us back together.

And in the mean time, I choose to be happy. All the time. I'll allow myself a sad time every now and then, that's healthy. But I choose to be happy. and not just to be happy for the next 11 months, but to always be happy. To always see the positive in things and be grateful for the beautiful things in life. That I'm healthy, that I live in this beautiful country, that I'm in love, that I have amazing family and friends, a great job, and that I go to school. I'm very humble tonight, and I choose to always be that way.

Love and Theft.

Like a thundercloud without a chance of rain
Like a stretch of sandy beach without the waves
It's like i'm spinning my wheels
Down a lonely interstate...
Me without you

It's a picture perfect sky without a view
It's an empty seat at a table for two
It's having all the time in the world
And nothing to do...
Me without you

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But i don't know how to begin
So i keep holding on
Cause i don't know what else to do
I try to be, but i'm not me
Without you

It's a beautiful song to be sung
But nowhere to sing
It's this beat up old guitar missing a string
It's me calling in the middle of the night
And it just rings
Me without you

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But i don't know how to begin
So i keep holding on
Cause i don't know what else to do
I try to be, but i'm not me
Without you

Baby, tonight i'm gonna light your favorite candles
And open a bottle of my favorite spanish wine
Gonna listen to the song that we made love to the first time
It's all i can do
It's all i can do...

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But i don't know how to begin
So i keep holding on
Cause i don't know what else to do
I try to be, but i'm not me
Without you

Perfect songs. 


I miss you so much Shawn. Everyday. But especially today, is hard. 


342 days til we are together again. and never apart. 

Beautiful Words.