I'll keep missing you.

I want my life back. Where I NEVER heard the word "no" or "maybe" or "we'll see" because it was always and only "yes" with him. Where no one made me happy the way he did, or made me smile in such a way that my cheeks got rosy and he would laugh. where I could run to him when everyone around me irritated me by just breathing. He is the only one that gets me. He just looks at me and makes me feel better. When everyone around me is showing their true colors, his colors never changed. He is so true. He is so right. He is perfect. 10 months of this. 10 more months. I can do it right? I mean, I've gone 14, whats another 10? He's worth it. These are the things I keep telling myself. Because I know that when I have him back, everything will be perfect. I miss the days where nothing else mattered but him. When i wouldn't have to make plans for the weekend, because my plans were always to be with him. When he'd surprise me at school or work with flowers or a freakin' coke. I miss the mornings waking up to a text saying "Goodmorning, I love you" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Without fail. I miss the nights that we never fell asleep saying goodnight. Whoever fell asleep first texting, the other person would send a long lovey text for them to wake up to. That happened for a year and a half. I miss sitting in my room, and listening to his truck pull up in my driveway, looking out my window and seeing him standing there. I miss holding his hand in public. i miss acting ridiculous in public and annoying everyone. I miss blasting music in his truck and singing at the top of our lungs. I miss going dirtbiking and watching my hot man ride around. I miss seeing him playing games with my little brother. I miss getting home from a date, going upstairs to change into HIS sweats, and come downstairs to see him arms wide open ready to hold me on the couch. I miss cuddling him every weekend, watching Simpsons, Lock up, Cops, or any of his shows, and falling asleep in his arms. I miss waking up and kissing him. I miss his kisses. I miss his ridiculous humor. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he would look at me with those beautiful green eyes. I miss HEARING the words I love you. I miss family parties with him. I miss my best friend. He was and is that one person I run to for everything. Most girls have that girlfriend in their life, but he's my best friend. He never let me down. He was that one person that would just sit there, listen to me complain about the pathetic drama, and then say "Em, you're amazing and deserve better" and make everything better. I miss crying with him, and then making me laugh. I miss uncontrollable laughter with him. I miss the stupid stuff, like tripping me up the stairs, slapping my butt, tickling me til I cried, tackling me to the ground. I miss showing him off to the public. Thats right ladies, he's all mine. I miss going to church with him. I miss talking on the phone with him whenever we were apart. Whenever we would be running errands, driving around, or whenever we just couldn't be together.. we'd call each other. no matter what we were always talking. I miss texts from HIM. I hate that he's not here. I wish more than anything he was here. enjoying life with me. Watching me go thru with my career. Doing crazy stuff on the weekends. I feel like he is missing out on so much on my life, but at the same time.. he's not. He's here! I know that I say I wish he was here, but i'm so proud of him for being THERE. and wouldn't want him anywhere else. now in 10 months will I be saying that? no i'll be saying "get the heck home". but until then, i'll keep missing him. I'll keep missing everything that makes Shawn.. Shawny. and I'll keep missing everything that makes us... US. and I'll keep missing everything that makes our relationship perfect and better than everyone elses. 


I'll keep missing you.