I'll keep missing you.

I want my life back. Where I NEVER heard the word "no" or "maybe" or "we'll see" because it was always and only "yes" with him. Where no one made me happy the way he did, or made me smile in such a way that my cheeks got rosy and he would laugh. where I could run to him when everyone around me irritated me by just breathing. He is the only one that gets me. He just looks at me and makes me feel better. When everyone around me is showing their true colors, his colors never changed. He is so true. He is so right. He is perfect. 10 months of this. 10 more months. I can do it right? I mean, I've gone 14, whats another 10? He's worth it. These are the things I keep telling myself. Because I know that when I have him back, everything will be perfect. I miss the days where nothing else mattered but him. When i wouldn't have to make plans for the weekend, because my plans were always to be with him. When he'd surprise me at school or work with flowers or a freakin' coke. I miss the mornings waking up to a text saying "Goodmorning, I love you" EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Without fail. I miss the nights that we never fell asleep saying goodnight. Whoever fell asleep first texting, the other person would send a long lovey text for them to wake up to. That happened for a year and a half. I miss sitting in my room, and listening to his truck pull up in my driveway, looking out my window and seeing him standing there. I miss holding his hand in public. i miss acting ridiculous in public and annoying everyone. I miss blasting music in his truck and singing at the top of our lungs. I miss going dirtbiking and watching my hot man ride around. I miss seeing him playing games with my little brother. I miss getting home from a date, going upstairs to change into HIS sweats, and come downstairs to see him arms wide open ready to hold me on the couch. I miss cuddling him every weekend, watching Simpsons, Lock up, Cops, or any of his shows, and falling asleep in his arms. I miss waking up and kissing him. I miss his kisses. I miss his ridiculous humor. I miss his laugh. I miss the way he would look at me with those beautiful green eyes. I miss HEARING the words I love you. I miss family parties with him. I miss my best friend. He was and is that one person I run to for everything. Most girls have that girlfriend in their life, but he's my best friend. He never let me down. He was that one person that would just sit there, listen to me complain about the pathetic drama, and then say "Em, you're amazing and deserve better" and make everything better. I miss crying with him, and then making me laugh. I miss uncontrollable laughter with him. I miss the stupid stuff, like tripping me up the stairs, slapping my butt, tickling me til I cried, tackling me to the ground. I miss showing him off to the public. Thats right ladies, he's all mine. I miss going to church with him. I miss talking on the phone with him whenever we were apart. Whenever we would be running errands, driving around, or whenever we just couldn't be together.. we'd call each other. no matter what we were always talking. I miss texts from HIM. I hate that he's not here. I wish more than anything he was here. enjoying life with me. Watching me go thru with my career. Doing crazy stuff on the weekends. I feel like he is missing out on so much on my life, but at the same time.. he's not. He's here! I know that I say I wish he was here, but i'm so proud of him for being THERE. and wouldn't want him anywhere else. now in 10 months will I be saying that? no i'll be saying "get the heck home". but until then, i'll keep missing him. I'll keep missing everything that makes Shawn.. Shawny. and I'll keep missing everything that makes us... US. and I'll keep missing everything that makes our relationship perfect and better than everyone elses. 


I'll keep missing you. 

45 weeks left.

Some days, I think to myself...

"What on earth am I doing? Waiting 2 years for someone? Are you crazy?"

Yes I'm absolutely crazy. But am I absolutely crazy in love? You bet I am.
Pdays are so bitter sweet. I love hearing from him but hate waiting to hear another week.
I guess in a way, it's some sort of countdown. Another pday down, 45 more to go.
Some days I'm on such a high, others I'm just dragging my feet.

And then today, I got an email from him. and this is a part of it:

"The mission has done so much good in our lives Em. I have had experiences that have made me grow so much. I have experiences that I will take with me forever. I have really grown to love the gospel so much and our country. It's opened my eyes to so much. and this week, I have grown so much more in love with you. You are amazing! I know this is hard, but we are doing it. We are on the downhill side of things! If you ever have doubts or worries, just know that those are coming from Satan. You are one in 7 billion. I dont know how on earth I got so lucky to have you. You are everything to me. I cant wait to finish these next 10 months, come home, and marry you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and make me so happy. I am so proud of you for everything that you are doing. For doing so good in school and work. For making the gospel a priority by going to institute, reading your scriptures, and praying every night. I am so happy to hear that you are growing spiritually with me. This is not only my mission Em, its OUR mission. We are growing together. We are doing this together. Thats why we are going to make this work. Thats why I have no doubt that you will wait, because we are doing this together. So many couples just go off and dont work towards anything, but I'm so happy to have you Emily. You are the most amazing girl in the world and I'm so lucky to have you. I love you so much...."

And it went on to tell me about his mission. He had a good week this week, but came across a lot of hardships and thats what made him so humble this week. He had to give a lot of blessings to unfortunate people and he realized how lucky he is to have a family that he does, to live in the US, and to have me. I am so lucky to have him. I am speechless when I read his emails, I know without a doubt that we are going to make this work and be more in love than ever when he gets home.

I love him so much.

Sister Larkin

WELCOME HOME SISTER LARKIN!!!

I cannot believe that Lindsey is home! I remember sitting there when she got her call, and she was called to Russia.
And the first thing that came to mind was

"Oh I cant wait for her to be home cuz then Shawn will have about 10 months left"
haha And now here we are and 10 months is so far away still. :/ Anyways, what a day!

I had so much fun spending the whole entire day with his family!
I got there around one and immediately we got to work!
Me and his aunt were blowing up balloons and making cute arrangements to put a long the side of the street.
then we went outside to put them there and man it was hot! We were working our butts off in 100 degree weather! After, we cut up yellow ribbon and tied it anywhere and everywhere that looked cute! It was so hott, me and his mom were just dying! So we went inside to take a break and then we got hungry. So we went to Tastys for lunch. It was so yummy and so nice to be there with his mom and aunt. We talked about Shawn and we talked about our relationship. It was so nice. and I love being on the same page as her! She really is so happy for me and Shawn. After lunch, we went back to the house to get more work done and finished around 5. Then we went to the craft store to pick up some balloons for the airport and while we were standing there, talking to the lady, Shawns mom said "I have another missionary out. He loves this girl very very much" and she pulled me in and gave me a side hug. I had major butterflies. How special to hear her say that! Me and her have so much fun together. By the end of the night, we were finishing each others sentences hahaha! Then we finally got to the airport. We had the balloons, the poster, and the roses. I was so nervous for them!! But of course the whole time I kept thinking.. I CANT WAIT FOR THIS TO BE SHAWN!!!! As her plane arrived, I stood there with cameras in both hands and she came down the escalator. What a need experience. If you need a "waiting boost" go to a missionary homecoming at the airport. I'll tell you what, It was amazing. Everyone cried and it was so nice to have Linds back!! When we got home, she told us about her mission, and showed us some pretty sweet stuff she got!!

I cant wait to get close to Linds. I can tell she will be such a fun sister to have! I love her very much and I'm so proud of her.

Welcome home Linds :)

Gorg.

Can I just be married already?!

I found this ring and cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME stop thinking about it.

If anyone were to ask me what my dream ring is, this is it.

Found it.
$2500

One day :)

Bonding time.

Today was perfect.

I got to spend the evening with Shawns mom. Her daughter gets home from her mission next week, and so me and his mom went shopping together to get things ready and to dinner. It was so great spending time with her. We talked a lot about Shawn of course. And its so nice to know that she is so supportive of me and Shawn. It helps SO much. And a lot of the time she kept saying "10 months from now, me and you will be doing this to get ready for Shawn to come home". K I can't believe I'm waiting for a missionary. It blows my mind haha. But I wouldn't want it any other way! Me and her laughed a lot and had such a great time together. She told me so many stories about Shawn and showed me pictures of him that I've never seen. K this is so cute;

When Shawn was a little boy I guess he was SUPER cuddly. He always cuddled up to his mommy. He is such a mamas boy. Anyways, whenever his dad would go out of town, he would go sleep with his mom in her bed and snuggle all night. and when he got out of his crib into his big boy bed, he wouldn't fall asleep unless someone was holding his hand. So his mom would lay on the floor and hold his hand until he fell asleep. Isn't he the CUTEST?! No wonder he is so cuddly with me ;) and I love it! Shows what kind of dad he's gunna be :) ahhh I love him! and then she also told me that Shawn was close to dying when he was a baby. Which I already knew, but I didnt know the extent of it and I guess it was bad enough that she wrote his obituary. YEAH! I died when I heard that. I'm so grateful that he was kept on this earth. We were meant to find each other and be together and I'm just so grateful that he is still here. I love that boy.

Anyways, today was just a great day. It feels so good to be close to his mom. And next week, I'll be going over there to help decorate the house and go to the airport to pick up Lindsey! I am so happy she is coming home! It'll be good to get a good relationship with his sister! I'm grateful that I am close with his parents. They are so loving. His dad already treats me like one of his own, and tonight his mom treated me like one of her daughters! It was perfect. She would be a great mother in law. We opened up to each other a lot and it was like we could talk about anything and everything and it felt so good to hear her say "I can tell how happy you and shawn are and that you love each other" and when she was showing me pics of him I kept saying "Oh he makes me so giddy" and she would just chuckle and say "Yes he is a cutie!" haha I am just SO Happy right now!!! 

Happy & Humble.

Maybe I should knock on wood before I post this blog post:

I'm the happiest I have ever been during the wait.
I dont know what it is. But I woke up one morning and felt like a whole new person.
I think it's because I've made changes in my life. There really are so many beautiful reasons to be happy.

I have an amazing family. I am so lucky. I know that I give my siblings such a hard time, but I really have gotten so close to them this past year. I have great parents that would do anything and everything for me. They are such great examples to me of true love. I have an amazing "fake" brother, Mark. I say fake, because we aren't related, but calling him a best guy friend is no where near true. He really is the older brother I never had.

I have amazing friends. They are such supports in everything I do. They are always there for me. On good days and bad. They make me laugh so hard and we ALWAYS have such a fun time. They always give me a reason to smile. They're my rock. I dont know what I would do without them. Its so great to have such good girlfriends. In high school, I didnt have the best group of girlfriends. They taught me a lot, but mainly what I deserve. I dont have regrets, I learn from everything. And I know that having a boyfriend all through high school was hard on my girlfriends, but it was hard on me to know that they weren't supportive of me and Shawn. I was terrified that once Shawn left, I would have no body. Let me tell ya, God answers prayers. I truly have the best girlfriends any girl could ask for. I'm SO blessed. You know who you are :) Holly, Ky, Chris, Jess, and Miranda. Thank you.

I am a member of the true church. I am so grateful for the gospel in my life. I think that is another reason I am so happy. I heard this quote "Choose a man that brings you closer to god, than himself". With Shawn serving a mission, his example has really brought me so much closer to my Heavenly Father. He makes me want to be better every day. And with that mind set, I have never been so close to my Heavenly Father. When I pray, it's as if God is with me. Always. I read my scriptures every night, and I'm working on going to the temple once a week until Shawn gets home. thats 50 temple visits starting now. A lot of people lately have said to me "Emily, you seem happy. You are always positive. and have this light with you always". And if any of you feel dark right now, what you need to do is get closer to your Heavenly Father that LOVES YOU. Thats what I did.  and honestly, it makes me such a happier girl.

I have the most amazing job. I know that sometimes I complain about working, but I have the best co-workers. They bring me up. They support me. They are so funny. I always have such a great time working and I'm so lucky to have a job that I love going to.

I love school. Again, I know sometimes I complain going, who doesn't. But I'm a lucky girl to be doing something that I love every day and have a career at 20. I enjoy making people feel pretty and making them feel better about themselves. I guess you could call me a people pleaser, I always have been and always will be. I'm very selfless and I will ALWAYS put others first.

Last but not least, I have Shawn. What 19 year old can say she found love at 16? Not many. And how many people can say they've gone a 13 months without seeing the love of their life? and won't see them for another 11? Not many. But we're doing it. and we're coming out strong. We grow every day. Spiritually, and I love him more every day. I'm so so so proud of him. He loves his mission. and he is doing SUCH an amazing job. I wouldn't want him any where else right now. This is his time, to grow, to help others, to bring those to the gospel that I am so proud to be apart of. This is my time. My time to grow, help others, and improve myself to be that girl he's always dream't about. This is our time.

Though distance took us apart, time will bring us back together.

And in the mean time, I choose to be happy. All the time. I'll allow myself a sad time every now and then, that's healthy. But I choose to be happy. and not just to be happy for the next 11 months, but to always be happy. To always see the positive in things and be grateful for the beautiful things in life. That I'm healthy, that I live in this beautiful country, that I'm in love, that I have amazing family and friends, a great job, and that I go to school. I'm very humble tonight, and I choose to always be that way.

Love and Theft.

Like a thundercloud without a chance of rain
Like a stretch of sandy beach without the waves
It's like i'm spinning my wheels
Down a lonely interstate...
Me without you

It's a picture perfect sky without a view
It's an empty seat at a table for two
It's having all the time in the world
And nothing to do...
Me without you

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But i don't know how to begin
So i keep holding on
Cause i don't know what else to do
I try to be, but i'm not me
Without you

It's a beautiful song to be sung
But nowhere to sing
It's this beat up old guitar missing a string
It's me calling in the middle of the night
And it just rings
Me without you

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But i don't know how to begin
So i keep holding on
Cause i don't know what else to do
I try to be, but i'm not me
Without you

Baby, tonight i'm gonna light your favorite candles
And open a bottle of my favorite spanish wine
Gonna listen to the song that we made love to the first time
It's all i can do
It's all i can do...

I've been loving you so long
I'm a leaf lost in the wind
I want to be so strong
But i don't know how to begin
So i keep holding on
Cause i don't know what else to do
I try to be, but i'm not me
Without you

Perfect songs. 


I miss you so much Shawn. Everyday. But especially today, is hard. 


342 days til we are together again. and never apart.