Want vs. Have

"Sometimes you need to stop focusing on the things you want and just focus on the things you have".

I stumbled upon that quote the other day on Pinterest and it's really stuck with me. This holiday season, it's easy to want things. I want to be done with school, I want to have more friends to do stuff with every night, I want to get paid more, I want new clothes, I want I want I want. But the worldly things haven't been a big issue thus far. What I want is a boyfriend. How stupid does that sound right? A boyfriend. Here. I want that boyfriend in Chile here.

Everyone always told me that Christmas time was the worst time of the whole waiting process. Last Christmas I was lucky enough to not go through that darker time. Shawn was home for surgery and although we didn't get to see each other, knowing that he was home was enough to feel okay. I could feel how close he was and so Christmas time wasn't so hard. And now I'm creeping up on Christmas time and it's honestly terrible. I never imagined it'd be this hard. Being alone is one of the worst feelings. Especially because everyone around me is getting engaged, going to Temple Square lights with a boyfriend, going ice skating, making gingerbread houses, cuddling on the couch watching Elf. Those silly things are everything to me! And I'll be doing them alone this year.

It's also hard going through all these things after a "break up". I was recently just dating this guy, nothing too serious but we were dating and even though I was blinded by him and not focused so much on Shawn, I was excited to share those fun Christmas things with a boy! and now that, that was taken away from me, I feel even more alone going through the process of getting over him and wishing Shawn were here. What a draining thing am I right?

So back to that quote I posted earlier. I need to stop focusing on what I want. I don't want to have a replacement boyfriend. Because what I do have is far better than I'd ever get right now. I have an amazing man serving the Lord, who loves me more than words can describe. That is so forgiving and so thoughtful. That fights for me every day and loves me even though he is 6000 miles away and hasn't seen me in 19 months. I have everything and more that my friends have right now, I just have to be patient enough to wait for it. So, I need to stop focusing on what I want. the boyfriend; the cuddler; the iceskater; the temple date; all those things. and really focus and be grateful for the things I do have!

Because while I'm here complaining, someone out there is just praying to have what I have.

I'm so lucky to have Shawn and his love. Even though times get hard, and this is going to be hard without him, I know that we can do this and that I'll be okay. i just gotta push through Christmas. I'm so lucky to have amazing friends and family. I'm so lucky to have a job and school to keep me busy and sane.

Waiting for a missionary is tough stuff and people do not give us ladies enough credit for what we do. These lonely nights are miserable and I'm sure they are just going to get harder as time goes on until he gets home, but I gotta keep fighting. Remember what I have and how lucky I am to have it back in 5 months and 4 days :)