i miss him so much.

It's a Friday night, and I'm spending it watching chick flicks and Facebook.
You've all guessed it.. it's one of those nights.
I miss Shawn so much.
So instead of thinking so much about it, or getting emotional.. I decided to blog.
Ignore this post if you dont want to read any further, because you know its gunna be an emotional one.

Shawn has been gone 8 months. Everyday is one day closer to seeing him again. I can't wait. (well, I can). As some of you may know, I'm on this Facebook page called "Waiting for a Missionary". Cheesy I know. But I always saw those girls posting on it saying "8 months down! I can't believe it. Almost to the year mark" and I kept thinking to myself, "Holy cow, I can't wait to be there" and I'm finally there! It feels great to know that I only have 4 months til his year mark. I mean, a year ago THIS MONTH he opened his call. Time really does fly. I'm doing so well, and i'm so confident in what we have.. it's been easy on me. Well, easier on me than other girls waiting. But every once in a while, I let it all out.

I've always been the girl to hold everything in and then when something big happens, I lose it. Tonight is definitely one of those nights. I've also always been that girl that thinks "look how far I've come". but tonight I'm thinking "I've got so much more to do." and it sucks.

I really am so happy for him and proud of him! This mission is what he needs to do and I support him completely, but I miss my best friend tonight. I miss always having plans on the weekend with him, always looking forward to date nights, spending every waking moment together, always having someone to make me laugh, watching those ridiculous TV shows he always watched, jamming out in his truck, kisses goodnight, "Goodmorning Beautiful" or "Goodnight, I love you" Texts/phone calls, I miss having him around. Things happen at school and I immediately think "Oh i GOT to tell Shawn" I miss hearing his laugh, his voice; I miss having that one person I told EVERYTHING to. I know people say this a lot.. "Having someone to love and love you in return is like finding that person who completes you." and I couldn't agree more. Shawn really does complete me. He's my better half. And although I hate nights like this, I'm grateful for them because I'm reminded how lucky I am to have someone to miss and be in love.

I know some of you, or most, may be thinking "Where is this coming from? You are always so positive". But even the strongest people have their weak days.

It seems like everyday someone announces an engagement, wedding pictures, or they're having a baby... it makes me miss Shawn more. But then I realize.. its not my turn. Its not my time. My responsibility and duty right now is to wait for my missionary, finish school, and better myself for my perfect boyfriend. I try to accept that, its hard, but I do. I just replay what Shawn always says in my mind;

"Emily, dont worry. Our love is better than anyones. What we are doing is incredible and think about what it will be like when I get home... out of this world. I love you. Our love conquers the impossible".

He always knows just what to say. and he's right. I look up to those girls that waited for missionaries. Its the HARDEST thing I've ever done, but the most rewarding thing I will ever do. I love him more than words can describe.

I'm also really lucky because I haven't even gotten close to IBS. (imaginary boyfriend syndrome). I see all these girls on the Fb page that have it, and I think "What in the world, how could you have that with someone you love SO MUCH?!" and I'm 8 months in and I'm not even close to it. I feel his love every single day! And maybe thats why I miss him so much tonight; his love is with me tonight.

I miss him so much, but next summer... he will be home. and home for good. That day will be the best day of my life. 484 days until he gets home.

Sorry for the rambling. You're bored I know it. So i'll end it here.

Time... please pick up.


I love you Shawn. <3