Sometimes things don't happen for a reason.

I've always been one to say that ''Everything happens for a reason''. 
But not today. I will not be saying that today. My heart and prayers go out to the poor families who have lost their loved ones today. I am not a mother, but I've always had the heart of a mother. As being the oldest, I've always been a second mom. And I can't even imagine sending my child off to school and having them not come home so I could hug and kiss them. My blood is boiling and my heart is aching when I think about what happened today. I think about my little brother being in second grade, and the kids that lost their lives today in the shooting were younger than him! Kindergarteners. Are you kidding me? It's times like this where I'm grateful for a place called hell that this man can suffer in because what he did was absolutely terrible. There are no words to describe the feelings I have. My neighbors niece was one of the children that died, and it's absolutely heartbreaking. How could a man be so cold? What causes someone to break and snap like this? How could he kill his mom, and a bunch of 5 year olds. They deserved to live. Not him. They deserved to feel safe going to school and having fun and learning. The parents send their 5 years olds off to school every day trusting that they are going to be okay. They had such a great life ahead of them, and this man, this cold hearted rotten man took that away from them and their families.

Some things happen for a reason;

but not everything.

The savior loves these children so very much. I know that he welcomed them with open arms. I am grateful that these children are there with the Savior, but they should be here. and I just pray for the families to be okay and know that their children are happy with their Savior. I am so grateful that families can be together forever and I hope that those families have the same knowledge that I do, and if they don't, I pray that the missionaries, or others, will reach out to them and teach them that they will one day get to be with their children again. 

Chocolates

I love this family tradition that we have. Every year on my mom's side, we get together at my house and dip chocolates! We dip cashews, almonds, marshmellows, and make peanut butter cups. It's so much fun to do this as a family and get together and laugh. We make hilarious jokes and messes. It's great. I can't wait for next year already, and I'll even have a special someone there with me :)

Working hard, or hardly working boys?

Girls making peanut butter cups :)

My uncle and my dad heating up the chocolate! 

I love being on baby duty :) 

This is my cousin Abbie's adorable little boy Crew!

Couldn't be happier.

Missionary Monday! :)

But this missionary Monday was a lot better than others.
Let me just start from the beginning.

Sunday night, I cannot sleep. I think it's worse than Christmas Eve waiting for that email.
I stay up all night so excited to hear from Shawn. He still gives me butterflies. Finally it's 6:30am and I can roll out of bed and go to work. It's good to go to work to keep my busy instead of waiting around all day. It's Noon and I finally get an email from him! He's telling me about his week, telling me that he loves me, all that cute stuff, and then says, by the way, I'll be in the SLC airport on May 21.

Wait. What?

That's right folks, my wonderful boyfriend gets home 3 weeks earlier!! :) Notice how my countdown changed a whole lot?? I get my boyfriend back in MAY! I am freaking out with excitement! I am so happy that I'll have him back for his Birthday on May 24, and he'll be able to go to my brothers graduation, and start summer with me. We'll have a lot to do that summer because wedding bells should be going off.

I really am so excited. but I'm also so nervous! I feel like I have so much to do and I'm not nearly prepared enough. 3 weeks is a huge jump! I got to get this bod into shape, I got to get close to graduating school, I need to read the Book of Mormon cover to cover. I got a lot to do! But a lot to keep me busy :)

He'll be back into my arms in no time.

51/2 more months babe.
We can do this :)

7 rules of life.

1. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

2. What others think of you is non of your business.

3. Time heals almost everything, give it time.

4. Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

5. Stop thinking too much, it's alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.

6. No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

7. Smile. You dont own all the problems in the world.

7 rules to live by and your life will be much better.
Trust me;

I'm doing those exact things.

Attitude of Gratitude

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

I am so very blessed. I have so much to be grateful for that I can't even make a list! But for the most part, I am so grateful for my family. They do so much for me and they really do mean so much to me. I am so grateful for the siblings I have, even though we give each other a hard time most of the time, they are the best. I'm grateful for the parents that I have and how much they do for me.

I am so grateful for my friends. I take some of them for granted sometimes, but they really do mean the world to me. I'd be lost without them.

I am so grateful for Shawn. For his willingness to serve our Lord and for all his hard work out there. He is touching so many lives out there and I look up to him in so many ways. I am grateful for his love and our relationship. How strong it is to withstand anything and get stronger every single day. He really is the best man out there and I dont deserve him. He's amazing and I'm so lucky to have him.

I am grateful for an amazing job. For the people that I work with and for being my second family. I really do have the best managers out there and it's great to have a job that I look forward to going into every day. Especially for black friday ;)

I am so grateful for this gospel. For a loving Heavenly Father that does love me unconditionally. For the plan of salvation and eternal families that I get to see my Grandma and Grandpa again someday. and that I get to be with my loved ones forever. I am grateful for the Atonement. and I'm grateful for my Heavenly Father and Savior that always listens to me and is here for me.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone and have a wonderful day!

Surrender

"When it comes to love, you need not fall but rather surrender. 

Surrender to the idea that you must love yourself before you can love another. 

You must absolutely trust yourself before you can absolutely trust another. 

And most importantly you must be able to accept your flaws 

before you can accept the flaws of another."

And thats what these 2 years have done for me.

I've learned so much about myself. 

And I am growing into that person I always wanted to be.

I'm far from perfect,

but I'm bettering myself every single day.

and I'm happy!

I'm happy where things are in my life.

I've learned to love myself.

I've learned to trust myself.

and I've accepted my flaws.

I

3 years.

3 years ago today, this is what happened:

It was after school, I still remember what I was wearing. Jeans, a white long sleeve shirt with wings on the back. (so in style.. not). I made sure my hair and make up looked perfect. I kept walking around the house just waiting. Finally the doorbell rang. I couldn't act like I was anxious right? So I just sat in the family room until someone else answered the door and then I'd wait a second so it seemed like I haven't been ready all day.

I heard my dad answer the door. and then I heard his voice: "Hey, is Emily here?" my dad then responded. "Yeah, come on in!"

I started walking to the door and as I turned the corner, my heart stopped. Is THE Shawn Larkin really standing in my doorway right now? I acted like I really wasn't surprised, atleast I tried to. He looked so cute standing there. In his tight jeans, his plaid blue and white shirt. 'Tall, dark, and handsome'.

We then walked to my family room. A million thoughts were running through my head. I had a friend of mine ''warn me'' about Shawn. "He's too shy. He's too picky. He doesn't talk. He wont take you on a date. He never laughs. He has no emotion. You'll just get walked all over".

Is that kind of guy really welcomed into my life?

I thought I'd give him a chance.

We sat on my couch just talking, figuring out what to do. I only had an hour and half before I had to go to dance and he was going to a concert with one of his buds.
My mom then walked in and handed us five dollars and said, "Go get a frosty. and bring Tyson back some fries". (Tyson is my little brother).

So, we walked outside and good ghondi he had the sexiest looking truck. I remember trying to get into that big thing and then the smell. Black Ice car freshener. Yum :)

We started driving to Wendy's. And we were talking the whole time. It felt.. Normal. It felt like I've known him my whole life. Again, the things my friend was telling me came back to mind.. but everything she said just wasn't adding up. Maybe she was just trying to scare me? Yes. She was definitely trying to scare me. Shawn was a great guy. IS a great guy!

We got to Wendy's and I remember standing in line and all we could do was laugh. He was instantly my best friend. It was like we've been together forever.

We sat down. Had frosty's and then had to go back to my house. As we were driving home, it was no longer me judging him, or comparing him to the things my friend said. It was me judging myself. I felt like he was so out of my league and so perfect. There is no way he'd ever want to see me again.

"Hey Em, when can I take you out on a real date?"-Shawn.

I remember those words so well. Of course I responded with a "Very soon I hope" and got out of his truck. I walked inside just telling myself there was no way he'd ever consider me. And as I entered my house, I got a text from him telling me I looked very pretty.

The whole night, he texted me. Even at his concert. As silly as that might sound, it meant a lot to me. Because Mr. Perfect wanted to talk to me.

And from that day forward, it was the best 3 years of my life. A lot of ups and downs. High school drama. Figuring out who we are apart and together. Falling in love. Giving him to the Lord for two years.

I wouldn't trade a day for the world.

11/11 will always be close to my heart.

My motto.

Hey everyone!

Wow, have I been slacking or what on this blog??
Sorry, I've been so busy lately.

But wow, time flies! Especially when you're having fun and staying busy of course. Its amazing how much I've grown the past 17 months. I don't even remember the girl I used to be before Shawn left, but if he were here, he'd for sure love the girl I've become. I feel like I've just grown up. I work almost every day, go to school, I just feel like an adult now. Can I just stay a kid for a while? First year I could actually vote and I didn't even do that! So maybe that'll help with staying young ;) But if Obama wins, I'm moving to Chile. #teamromney.

Its been a crazy couple weeks I'd say. A lot has been going on, but in the middle of all the hectic, he never ceases to amaze me. Last week, unexpectedly, I got a package. Just to tell me he's been thinking about me. Just some random socks, earrings, letters, pictures. He spoils me! It means a lot to me that during the craziness of the mission, he finds time to love me.

I've learned to much lately. Who my true friends are, who I can count on, what matters most in life, the gospel being the center of my life, how much my family means to me, how important missionary work is, getting my priorities straight, setting goals and meeting them, where I want to be in 10 years. I really do feel like I'm finally growing up. Its bittersweet for sure. Every day that passes I'm growing and every day that passes is a day closer to seeing his handsome face again. I never, in a million years, thought that waiting for a missionary would be so hard and so challenging and throw me so many curve balls. But its thru the hard times and the curve balls, that I grow and learn to appreciate so much. I haven't had a real boyfriend for 17 months. Some days, it's hard to remember "Shawn & Emily''. His voice, his looks, his laugh. The little things. I look at pictures and just think, "Is he real? We were really together? Have I made him up? Is he imaginary?" hahaha but I guess thats what time and space does to ya. But every day I hold onto those words, "I will wait for you". Its hard. Its hard everyday. but in the end, it'll be so worth it. Because no matter what, I'll be happy. We'll be happy.

So I'll continue to fight and I'll continue to live my life and have so much fun.
I'll continue to do what makes me happy.
I'll be the Emily that he expects me to be, who my family expects me to be, and who the Lord expects me to be.

"The only person you should be comparing yourself to, is the person you were yesterday. Always be a better person".

Thats my motto right now.

And I'm going to do that :)

The best email.

Hello readers :)

I'm sorry I've been slacking on my blog lately! I've been kind of busy. But I just want to tell you all that I have the best guy in the world. And it's amazing that 6000 miles away, he still knows what to say to make me happy. Without even asking me, he knows if I'm having a hard time with something and he knows how to fix it.

Here's the story:

Lately I've been getting worried about him coming home. I was secretly worried of course, but a lot of concerns popped up into my head. The normal stuff! Everyone gets nervous when it starts getting closer and closer. I was getting worried that he was going to take everything for granted. Waiting is tough! But I want to feel appreciated. All these questions popped into my head:

What if he doesn't appreciate me?
What if he doesn't 'fight' for me?
A marriage is pretty much handed to him when he gets home, and most guys have to work for it,so what if he just expects way too much of me?
What if he doesn't love me when he gets home?
What if I'm not good enough for him?


All these stupid questions. Things I SHOULDN'T be worried about because he's, hands down, the most amazing guy in the world. But they were worries I've had. Everyone gets worries ya know?

Well yesterday was monday so that means I get an email from him.
And without me even telling him my worries or conerns, this is the first thing he says to me:

Thanks for waiting for me. Thank you for being my girl and going on this journey with me. Thank you for going through all you do daily, weekly, yearly. Thank you for being focused on what we have and never giving up. I love you more than you know. I know that I dont say it enough, but you have no idea how much i appreciate everything you do. Seriously, THANK YOU. Our love is special and our story is special. Thank you! I know what you are going through, well maybe I dont, but I do partly and I will never take you for granted. I know that I am SO BLESSED to have you. We have a perfect love. There are so many amazing things about us. We have been throught so much to get here and I dont know what I'd do without you. You might think that things go un noticed, but I appreciate you more than you will ever know. I promise you. I love you so much. I love the person you are and have become. You are a woman of strength. I dont know how you do it, but thank you. I love you. I will never let you down. Its you and me. We've got less than 8 months. Hold on Em, we can do it. Dont you ever doubt in it! :)


It was everything and more that I needed to hear. How on earth did I get so lucky?

I'm an idiot for even questioning things.
235 more days.

Not a day goes by.

Got a picture of you
I carry in my heart.
Close my eyes to see you
when the world gets dark.

Got a memory of you,
I carry in my soul.
I wrap it close around me
when the nights get cold.

If you ask me how I'm doin'
I'd say just fine.
But the truth is baby,
if you could read my mind.

Not a day goes by,
that I dont think of you.
After all this time,
You're still with me it's true.
Somehow you remain
Locked so deep inside
Baby,
Not a day goes by.

I still wait for the phone
in the middle of the night.
thinking you might call me
if your dreams don't turn out right

and it still amazes me
that I lie here in the dark
wishing you were next to me
with your head against my heart

If you ask me how I'm doing
I'd say just fine
but the truth is baby
if you could read my mind

Not a day goes by
that I dont think of you.
After all this time,
you're still with me its true.
Somehow you remain
locked so deep inside
Baby,
Not a day goes by.

Minutes turn to hours
and the hours to days
Seems like its been forever
since I've felt this way.

But not a day goes by
that I dont think of you.

-Lonestar
--Not a day goes by.